Momma, I apologize…(A Mara Prose Poem)

Momma, I apologize for all the tears I made you cry
I regret all the unnecessary good-byes
And for all the times I told you lies

It’s taken me too long to appreciate your wisdom
It’s been too long of me playing the victim
For many years, there has been a void in my soul
I did not know it simply took you to make me whole

It took a travesty to bring me to my senses
It took humility to realize only you could mend me
It’s so nice to cherish you at last
It’s wonderful rebuilding our bond, I am having a blast

I thought I could make it in this life without you
I finally learned that is so untrue
Momma, you are my inspiration
I realize now I am your creation

I’ve patterned my life after yours
I’ve kept you with me even in the downpours
I want our reconciliation to last forever
It is because it is you I truly treasure

So now, I thank you
Thank you for being my hero
Thank you for being my light
Thank you for forgiving my spite
Thank you for helping me heal
It’s been hard, but you have made my life ideal

I love you Momma, I hope you see
That I’ve changed for the better and I am loving this ‘ME’
I am becoming the woman you always wanted me to be
Thank you, Momma, I am truly grateful for thee

~ Author Mara Prose

Thursday Thoughts: I can’t, I don’t, I won’t (A Mara Prose Poem)…

Picture courtesy of PerfectCloud

I could heal you, but I won’t
I could fight for you, but I don’t
I could make you love me, but I can’t
Mostly because it’s unnecessary work, so save your rants

Your insecurities are not my responsibility
Your emotional baggage will not be my testimony
I don’t have time to force you to trust
It is just plain and simply a must

We’ve all been through ups and downs
It’s all about how you turn it around
Stop being afraid to open your heart
Just find someone that sets themselves apart

I hear that you don’t want to be hurt
But it’s not really something you can avert
Stop punishing the world for the jerks
Just be cautious and find the one that works

I can’t fix you if you are broken
I don’t need to mend you if you are torn
If you need a savior, I won’t be the one
It is not my job to fix you, I will simply say I’m done

See me when you are whole
Hit me up when you are bold
Let me know when you are ready
And then maybe I can promise something steady
Until then I can’t, I don’t and I won’t

~ Mara Prose

Thursday Thoughts: Being Alone Does Not Equate to Loneliness

A family member once told me that I’m going to die alone, with no one to miss me but my children; and maybe not even them.  I can laugh at this absurd statement now; especially since this person is going on their third marriage.  I think I’d rather be alone as opposed to leaving a trail of failed marriages as my legacy.  

At some point in our lives, it is beneficial to be alone.  There are simply periods of growth that need to take place that require solitude.  Our world is overly opinionated and judgmental, and it’s easy to feel as if you need to adhere to the impossible standards society tries to set for everyone.

I’ve always needed space and time to go my own way and forge my own path. It’s during these times that I’m afforded the true luxury of learning.  I accepted long ago that I’m not cut from the same cloth as most but there were many years where I felt I should assimilate with the masses.  However, in my solitude, I have been able to re-evaluate a lot of areas in my life and come to terms with the woman I am.

Solitude can bring a sense of peace. You feel free and uninhibited.  You don’t have anyone to explain yourself to, you can just be.  It’s a time where you can solely focus on self improvement.  There’s no pressure or compromises to be made, you can live life on your own terms.

Self love, care and acceptance deserve more emphasis in our lives.  Think about that the next time you have someone as ignorant as I did try and make you feel as if there is something wrong with you for valuing your own identity and being strong enough not to be a follower.

~ Mara Prose 

Dating Tales: Mr. Smelly

mr-wtf-dating-tales

Well, today’s tale is certainly not a love story like Mr. Perfect.  My poor friend has had several bizarre dates and was happy to share with us.  Hopefully you will have a chuckle.  Enjoy!

Giselle was standing in the mirror, preparing for her umpteenth blind date.  She was praying this one would be different since she was becoming exasperated with the entire process.  Kerlin sounded really nice on the phone but she was wise enough to know by now that meant absolutely nothing.

Just as she was applying her lipstick, she heard a lot of racket right outside her bathroom window.  It sounded like a combination of fireworks, gun shots and some kind of screeching noise.  Giselle ran to the window just in time to see a raggedy Oldsmobile coming to a halt in front of her driveway.  The car was smoking, the doors were different colors and it looked like a new paint job was started but never finished. A sense of dread set in and Giselle knew this was not going to go well at all.

Her doorbell rang and she simply decided against the lipstick and tossed it in the sink as she walked to her door.  No use wasting good lipstick, right?  The little hope she had for this date was dashed when she opened the door for Kerlin.  Bless his heart.  The man had no sense of style and apparently had problems matching his clothes together.

His hair was many different lengths and Giselle couldn’t tell if they were braids, dreads or what his intentions were with his hair.  He had soccer socks on pulled up to his ashy knees.  He had purplish plaid shorts on with a bright orange button up dress shirt and was grinning from ear to ear.

Giselle just stood there for a moment, speechless while Kerlin repeatedly looked her up and down licking his lips and making obscene noises.  “Damn girl, I hit the jack pot!  You ready to roll?” he said.  Giselle tried to smile and slightly nodded her head and turned to lock her door.  Kerlin continued to comment about how lucky he was and Giselle just rolled her eyes.

As they walked to his car, Giselle stopped him and said ” Uh no, we will be taking my car.”  “Damn girl, I was hoping you would say that.  I always wanted to roll in a Mercedes.  I’ll drive.” he exclaimed.  “The hell you will, please proceed to the passenger seat” Giselle told him in a stern tone.  Kerlin laughed, shrugged his shoulders and got into her car.  Giselle really didn’t know why she was continuing with the date but she had nothing better to do anyway.

“Damn girl, I can’t wait for us to get to Galveston.  You gonna change into a bikini for daddy?” Kerlin said.  “Um no, change of plans.  We are going to the dollar movie.  Do you have a dollar?” Giselle tersely replied.  She would be damned if she went to the beach with this idiot.  “Uhh, I think so” he replied.  Seriously???  He didn’t know if he had a damn dollar?  Oh hell, this was getting worse and worse and worse.

It was at that moment, Giselle caught a whiff of something really foul smelling.  She waited for it to pass assuming they were just driving through a bad area but the smell continued to linger and grow stronger.  Giselle was starting to gag and rolled down her window.  “Sorry babe, I meant to tell you I have been having some gastro issues” Kerlin told her, and commenced to rolling down his window as well.

They drove the rest of the way in silence, windows down and music blasting so Giselle didn’t have to smell or talk to him.  Once they arrived at the movies, Giselle asked for two tickets to see a movie she had missed when it was in the regular theaters.  She waited patiently fully expecting Kerlin to at least pay for his portion but wanting him to pay the $2 dollars for both of them.  Kerlin just stood there, shrugged his shoulders and said “I’m good for it babe, I will give it back to you” i.e. his ass didn’t intend to pay for anything.

“Follow me sir” Giselle said in her business voice.  “Aww babe, don’t trip, I just left my wallet in my car.  Told you I’m good for it” he whined.  Giselle pulled out her phone, opened her Uber app and requested a pick up.  Thankfully, a car was only 3 minutes away.  While they waited and Kerlin continually inquired about what they were doing and why was she ‘trippin’, Giselle took out her headphones and started listening to Spotify.

A beautiful black Chevy Tahoe pulled up and Giselle breathed a sigh of relief.  She walked towards the car and motioned Kerlin to follow.  Once she confirmed that this was in fact her Uber request, she opened the door for Kerlin and told him to get in.  He was staring at her, speechless for once but still smelling atrocious.  He got in, she shut the door and she gave the driver her address.  With a big smile, she poked her head into the passenger window and told Kerlin “please have your smelly, raggedy ass gone by the time I get home or I will be calling the police” and walked away with a flip of her hair to see her movie.

~ Mara Prose

#ThursdayMotivation: Take Your Power Back!

Take Your Power Back.jpg

Today I want my Prosers to reclaim power over any aspect  of their life that is causing strife, negativity and insecurity.  Stop allowing others to abuse and misuse you.  Stop giving energy to circumstances that should have no real bearing on the goals, aspirations and dreams you want to achieve.  Each one of us has the ability to put a stop to whatever is no longer serving the greater good in our lives.  So do it today, RECLAIM YOUR POWER!

~ Mara Prose

Dating Tales: Mr. Better Not

mr-better-not

I am so happy my friend dodged a bullet with this one.  He truly sounds like he was psychotic!  Be careful ladies and pay attention to the early signs of instability!

Darya was enjoying being single and carefree!  After losing her husband in a tragic accident and mourning the loss of him for so many years, acceptance had finally come and she was ready to live again.

Being out of the dating scene for so long and a true introvert at heart, she knew that online dating was going to be her best shot at finding a new companion.  There were so many to choose from, that it overwhelmed Darya at first.  But, she decided to research and see which one would truly fit her needs.

She selected one of the top rated apps that was touted as being one of the most economical and user friendly apps on the market. After only a couple of hours, she started to receive several winks and messages.  She was elated, flattered and truth be told, a little afraid.

Jim’s profile immediately captured her attention.  He said he was laid back, a lover of life and really wanted someone he could just spend time with and see where things could lead.  That is exactly what Darya was looking for, however, she also did not want to put all her eggs in one basket.

Jim was kind, witty and very entertaining to talk to and Darya felt it would be ok for him to have her number.  Jim seemed really eager to meet her in person which made Darya a little uncomfortable but she wrote it off as her timidity with this new journey she was on.

Then work started to become demanding, she found out her daughter was pregnant with her first grandchild and Darya planned to immediately fly in for the first ultrasound.  She had plans with Jim for that weekend but she was sure he would understand.

After a crazy morning of back to back meetings, Darya finally had some downtime to check her emails, text messages and phone calls.  She noticed that Jim had called and texted several times.  She became concerned for his welfare and called him back immediately.

Jim was very happy to hear from her.  He thought she had decided to stop talking to him, which Darya found odd, since she had texted him good morning first thing before she left her house for work that day.  He immediately asked when he could see her and Darya told him about her daughter and newly planned trip.  He said he was disappointed but he understood and they agreed to talk later.

On the bus ride home from work, Darya received a text message from Jim telling her she ‘better not’ be out with some other man right now.  Taken aback, Darya was unsure how to respond to this unexpected text, so she simply chose not to.  After about fifteen minutes, Jim responded that he was just joking.  Darya replied with a smiley face and went back to reading her book.

Later that night, Darya was awakened by beeping noises from her phone.  Alarm set in, as it could be her daughter, so she immediately checked her messages.  They were from Jim, five in total.  Jim was saying how attracted he was too her, that she was definitely his future and that he hoped she felt the same way.  He also told her that she ‘better not’ break his heart and that she ‘better not’ be talking to any other men from the app.

Darya decided they needed to have a talk, Jim was coming on way too strong and too fast.  She dialed his number and he picked up right away.  Before she could say anything, he told her he was so relieved that she called him.  Darya let him know that she liked him too but that he was starting to push her too fast.  Silence followed and then Jim totally threw her for a loop.  He asked her to marry him?  She was caught off guard at first but then she remembered his wit, so she started laughing but Jim did not join her.

“You ‘better not’ ever laugh at me again” Jim screamed into the phone.  Shocked, Darya told Jim that he ‘better not’ ever scream at her again!  But that only enraged him more.  Jim started to yell about her audacity at putting him second behind her daughter when he should be her first priority.  He told her she ‘better not’ think that she could just toy with his emotions and that she ‘better not’ ever treat him this way again.

It was then that Darya realized she ‘better not’ even bother to try to reason with this lunatic.  She hung up the phone, blocked his number and blocked him from contacting her on the dating app.  After realizing how close she had come to meeting up with her worst nightmare, Darya decided to leave meeting someone new to chance.

~ Mara Prose

 

 

#TuesdayThoughts: We are only human…

I’m sure you expect me to be thinking about the debate but I refuse to give it energy today.

I’m thinking about a conversation with a friend.   She’s trying to do the right thing in life but she’s lost because she doesn’t quite know what is ‘right’ for her.   She’s having trouble deciphering what is God’s plan for her life but mostly she’s having trouble forgiving herself for past mistakes.

We are only human..

First of all, what is ‘right’ for you is relative.  In my mind, there really is no right or wrong way of doing things.  Yes, you should always strive for kindness, compassion, empathy and common decency but I’m talking about outside of that.  I’m taking about the unrealistic expectations we place on ourself daily.  What is their origin?

We are only human…

I’ve made so many mistakes, it’s mind boggling.  My impulse has put me in hot water more than once.  I haven’t always been the greatest wife, friend or mother but during those times I didn’t readily admit I was screwing up my relationships either.

We are only human…

I guess it comes down to accountability.  We need to assess our lives not obsess.   Our movements should be towards striking a balance and operating in moderation.  I think what is important above all else is forgiving yourself for being human.

We are only human…

There is no playbook for life. A lot of us go through life searching for guidance externally when knowing your path is an internal process.

So Today’s Message is: Forgive yourself, your only human!

~ Mara Prose