I think we are all familiar with the phrase”don’t say anything you don’t mean, because you can’t take it back”, which applies to saying things impulsively or out of anger. Lately, it is a common trend to read about celebrities, politicians and the like, saying an allegedly offensive comment and then later apologizing for the offense. The most recent of offenses is Rush Limbaugh calling a female Georgetown Law Student a ‘slut’, ‘prostitute’ and requested that she post a sex tape online. Then like clockwork, the outrage started and he was forced to apologize that Saturday.
Here is my two cents, and this applies specifically to the media. Later, I will address common everyday offenses in another blog. First of all, what was really accomplished outside of bringing Limbaugh the attention he was seeking? He has always been controversial and to my knowledge is known for saying outlandish and offensive comments. I believe if we were really outraged, we would stop allowing him to have a radio commentary. So, on one hand we try to censor his comments but then turn around and give him a radio program. We all are aware of the first amendment, yet it’s use has been reduced to a matter of convenience. If you do not like what he says, follow my lead and don’t tune in to his program.
Another headline of interest, is where Kirk Cameron is being ridiculed for his anti-gay remarks on Piers Morgan. Does he not have the right to his own opinion? Was it not his interview? So why should he apologize and fake how he feels when it is very clear what his stance is on this issue. I agree with Piers Morgan’s defense that it took bravery to stand up for what he believed. Kirk Cameron’s honesty was refreshing and I commend him for not worrying about politically correct. If you have read my previous blogs, you know I am advocate of the authentic.
With all this being said, we all are entitled to our own opinions. You should not have to apologize for what you believe, no matter how offensive it comes across. If you think about it, anything you say can be interpreted as offensive and then we run the risk of spending our lives apologizing. In my opinion, differences are what make the world go round. Last week’s blog sparked a nasty comment to be made from someone on twitter. Instead of wasting my time and energy arguing with this person, defending my blog or even apologizing, I simply responded “well, don’t read my blog anymore” and muted them. It saved us both a lot of headache.
In the case of Limbaugh, he is not sorry for the comments he makes because it has afforded him a nice paycheck. I am just curious as to what an apology does for the general public? Does it heal the wounds? No, it does not. Most importantly, did Limbaugh have a chance of heart? Highly unlikely. There is a pretty simple solution, support what you believe in and ignore the rest. For those that agree with Limbaugh, keep listening to his program and for those who support Kirk Cameron’s stance, then support his projects. We ultimately hold the power, not them. We have a right to choose but if we take away their right to choose, eventually, I fear we will lose ours as well. As Maya Angelou once said “if someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
Until next time, keep on keeping on be the best you that you can be.
~ Mara Prose
A few weeks ago, some friends and I posted a rant on Facebook of constantly being accused of sounding and acting like a white person. All my life I have heard these type of comments and was made fun of for supposedly talking and acting like a ‘white’ person. It didn’t stop there as I have been told by a few friends and family members when I call them “oh, I thought you were some white woman”. I never quite understood the logic in this ignorant comment, nor did I know how to respond to it. After years of being tormented, I finally confided in my mother and she told me to simply respond ” it is not talking white, it is being articulate and sounding educated”. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized the absurdity of these accusations and that it is more of a compliment, than an insult. I no longer saw it as an insult because I was proud to be well spoken. Lord knows, when I tried to so-called sound ‘black’, I ended up making a fool of myself and it was not authentic sounding at all. The stupidity of that effort I would love to forget going forward. LOL!
What I found enlightening in my Facebook rant is the comments I received. Once again, this was not exclusively in the African-American race but it affected Hispanics and even a Caucasian friend who was told she sounded like a ‘black’ person. Therefore, once again we have come across a universal issue that needs addressing and basically just needs to be put to rest immediately. What I would like to understand is what difference does it make? Without realizing it, these people who say these comments are insulting themselves and a variety of races by stating that the only culture that can talk ‘proper’ and sound educated is the Caucasian race. So basically, these dense individuals are saying that the rest of us need to speak with a limited vocabulary, resign ourselves to activities that only involve our race and make sure we recreate segregation. That is in essence what is taking place, we are segregating ourselves and making the white race the model race when that is just not the case.
I know for a fact that my articulation has helped me not only in school, but also in business and effectively communicating with my clients. However, it is not something I strive for, it is simply who I am and how I was raised. Obviously, it has also assisted me in my writing. I mean who wants to read a bunch of incoherent gibberish from a writer all for the sake of not talking like a ‘white’ person? I read an article earlier this week where Whitney Houston was booed at the 1989 Soul Train Music Awards for not sounding “black enough”. How ridiculous is that!! Although she will be greatly missed, at least while she was here she stayed true to herself and went on to break countless records during her singing career. One of the greatest singers of all time was ostracized by her own race for supposedly sounding ‘white’. It is unbelievable, sad and heartbreaking. Thankfully, the African-American race came to embrace her and are paying beautiful tributes to her now.
Speaking intelligently does not mean that you are ashamed of your race and does not make you a sell out. Education is not granted to only one culture and it definitely is not associated with one culture. The more appropriate response would be to compliment someone on their diction and how effectively they are able to communicate. Last I checked, intelligence did not have a color. I love the arts such as ballet, the opera, plays and going to the symphony. From these favorite past times, I was told I act like a white person but they are actually activities I simply enjoy. It is called broadening your horizons, not acting ‘white’. I was told that my homeschooling is such a ‘white’ thing to do, so in essence this person believes that only white people care about their children’s education. So I wonder, what am I supposed to do to be more black? We all hate to be stereotyped but then we turn around and uphold those stereotypes. We are a constant contradiction to ourselves and in the end, simply make ourselves appear foolish.
I believe we all need to realize there are many facets to an individual and we need to stop placing everyone in a bucket and making assumptions about who they are and why they do the things they do. Who I am as a person is not made to impress anyone. I do not speak correct English to try to be ‘white’. Anyone who knows me truly understands that I am an African and Native American woman who is proud of who she is but by no means is defined by only one culture. I strive for diversity because I am fascinated by all races. I think this is another area that needs a lot of improvement and starts with educating your children so that we can break the cycles of ignorance that exist. We are a melting pot and that is a fact, so these type of comments actually do not have any basis in everyday life.
Until next time, keep on keeping on being the best you that you can be!
I love the Good Morning America and Today show. I am an avid viewer and it is the first program I watch everyday. This week, Hines Ward was a guest on the show. He was there to promote an upcoming documentary he is a part of called “NFL Characters Unite” www.charactersunite.com. This documentary will air this month on the USA network so be sure to check your local listings and tune in and watch it. I encourage you to take the time to read more about it and support another worthy cause that has the same premise as “Dark Girls” but from a different point of view.
Let me give you a little background on Hines Ward. In case you do not know who he is, he plays for the Pittsburgh Steelers as a wide receiver and previous MVP. And for those non-football fans, he was even on Dancing with the Stars, lol. His was born in Seoul, Korea to a Korean mother and an African-American soldier. He has a fair complexion and he shared his childhood issues on the Good Morning America show of how he was discriminated against by more than one race. He did not fit in with other African-Americans because of having a Korean mother and was taunted for this fact. He also did not fit in with other Koreans because of the African-American side to him. He admitted that Caucasians often did not know how to deal with him either due his biracial background. Therefore, growing up was filled with heartache, confusion and a feeling of isolation for this now successful football player.
On the show, he had a teen accompany him from Clairton, PA by the name of Carlton Dennis. Carlton too has felt like Hines Ward all his life, as he is from Trinidad. Often called Mexican and ostracized by his own African-American race, Carlton was on the verge of self-destruction. Hines brought Carlton back from the brink of disaster and took this teen under his wing. Carlton has since turned his battle into a testimony. Carlton has now partnered with Hines to bring attention to the bigotry and hate that are still so very prevalent in our society. Carlton has even taken to the stage at his high school and created a song he wrote with Hines that addresses these issues.
Hines has not only contributed his presence and story to this documentary, he has also formed the Helping Hands Foundation http://www.hinesward.com/helping-hands-foundation.php. This foundation not only works to improve literacy to help children achieve success later in life but it also actively addresses biracial discrimination; a direct tribute to Hines’ mother.
Now for my two cents. I encourage you, just as I encouraged with “Dark Girls”, to support this documentary. I also would like for you to support his foundation. Contribute funds, take the link and distribute to your church, co-workers, family and friends. If nothing else, watch the gut wrenching videos on the Characters Unite website that provide glimpses of so many teens feeling the same pain as Hines, Carlton or myself for that matter.
It is so obvious this issue is redundant not only in the African-American community but in all communities. It is a basic lack of cultural understanding and the unwillingness to open ourselves to diversity. How long is it going to take for us to realize there is no longer a pure race? How long before we stop immediately labeling people and just get to know their backgrounds, who they are and provide acceptance? How about this even, if you cannot accept someone for who they are, just leave them the HELL alone!!! It is so basic and simple to me. Leave people alone!!! We were never meant to like everyone, understand everyone and we do not even have to accept them but we damn sure better start respecting the differences that exist.
If you are too lazy to learn the cultural differences between you and another, once again, you have that beautiful thing called freedom of choice, which basically allows you to keep it moving!!!!!! Let me repeat that so I am clear. Keep it moving if you are too lazy to embrace diversity!!! It is fine to live in a world of illusion created all your own but it becomes an issue when your lack of reality causes harm, hurt and emotional distress to another all simply because you believe that ignorance is bliss.
It is far past time for us to promote basic humanity. It angers me that we still have to call attention to these issues. And to my African-American brothers and sisters, remember that those of us who are racially mixed did not ask to be born that way but these onslaught of documentaries show that we are not going to be made to feel embarrassed by it either. Also, remember that the majority of us are not only proud of being African-American but we are also going to embrace, promote and be proud of that other culture that is a part of us. Like it or not, being African-American is not all-encompassing and the majority of us have another culture that deserves attention, appreciate and respect.
I am very proud of being part Native American, truly!! No, my Native American heritage is not far down the line or claimed because it sounds cool. I have a mother, aunts and uncles who were born and raised on the reservation. Yes, they grew up there and I still have family there. My mother made it very clear at a young age that our heritage was important on both sides. I remember her assisting me with book reports not only on African-American culture but also on my Native American background. I am instilling these very same values into my own two children and I have a husband who has studied my Native American background more than I have.
Once again, thank you to Hines Ward for opening this dialogue again for me and enlightening me with an entirely new cultural experience and perspective as opposed to simply the light-skinned versus dark skin issue.
Until next time, keep on keeping on being the best you that you can be!!
I had the privilege of viewing the documentary “Dark Girls” by the multifaceted filmmaker Bill Duke and I cannot express enough how moved I was by this movie. This blog will not be a critique because I will never critique anything that is meant to call attention to a subject matter that needs to be challenged!!! Plus, I believe it to be imperative that we stop criticizing and simply support!! Anyone that has the courage, the genius and the perseverance to produce material that is meaningful to them should never be shunned. Yes, I choose to support every worthwhile project out there with my whole heart but hey,I digress, that is another blog. LOL!
This movie told the story of my brown skinned sisters plight dating back to slavery days of feeling inferior because of their color. They have been called mud ducks, tar babies, and and some have to endure the insult of supposedly being pretty for a “black” girl. It is disgusting, hurtful and very sad that after over two centuries, not much has changed. The movie included many different perspectives and candid dialogue about light versus dark skinned african americans. These feelings, ideals and hurtful comments are often instilled in us often birth by our own family members. I want you to see the movie, so I will not give you a synopsis beyond that but I will give you my perspective because after all, this is my blog!! Ha! http://officialdarkgirlsmovie.com/
I first heard about this movie several, several months ago. As an aspiring writer, it has always been in the back of mind to devote one of my novels to just this topic. When I received the email from my home church, The Fountain of Praise, in Houston, I emailed and reserved tickets and sent out invites to my friends. There was no way I was missing the opportunity to hear such a powerful message, to gain a better understanding and support an issue that has also caused much hurt and pain throughout my entire life.
However, my hurt is a different hurt altogether. My hurt and pain stems from being the light skinned sister who was the supposedly the house nigger during slavery, whose skin color supposedly makes other races more comfortable to be around than my fellow brown skinned sisters and brothers. I am the cliche often referred to and desired in today’s trashy rap songs. Let me say this, there are two sides to every story and I am anxiously awaiting Bill Duke’s next documentary “The Yellow Brick Road” which hopefully tells my side of the story.
The same way my brown skin sisters have hated their color, I have hated my color. I am very fair skinned, my skin is hard to tan and my hair is naturally curly. When it is relaxed, it is as straight as a caucasian’s and referred to as “good hair”, a term that makes me cringe. I have felt more discrimination from my own race, than I have from any other race. Much to my surprise, this was also brought out in the documentary where brown skin women felt there skin color was more celebrated by other races than their very own. I have a hard time understanding this ignorance.
For a good part of my life, I hated my skin color, was tired of attention being brought to my light eyes and spent years hiding my shape. I always felt like a piece of meat when I walked in the room, just waiting to either be slaughtered by my sisters or devoured by my brothers. I so wanted for everyone to get to know me but I was too busy fighting sisters who chose to try to jump me without even knowing me, ignoring brothers who were just in my face for the wrong reasons and hiding everything that made me a beautiful, BLACK woman. There are not many outside of my mother and sister who know this about me, not even my closest friends. I can recall spending most of my time downplaying my looks in order to help my sisters feel better about themselves and help them understand that I did not consider myself superior. I remember one friend who hated me on sight at first, telling me she specifically hated me because I was light skinned and had long hair but once she got to know me, I was ‘okay’ for a light skinned girl. Isn’t that sad?? I was just ‘okay’ but yet, I forgave her and still called her a friend regardless because it is ingrained into me to treat everyone as equal.
This so called slave mentality is absolute bullshit. I don’t want to hear that it is lack of education because we now have the internet damn it and you don’t have to attend a university to simply become educated in the fact that it is INSANITY to have such a divide in the black, African American, whatever race you want to call us. Let me tell you, I am so sick of being hated on before you even get to know me. I hate the assumption that I feel I am better than a brown skin sister because I am light skinned. I hate everyone assuming I am creole and that is why I am light skinned. Uhhh, I am mixed with Arapahoe Native American and proud of it. My grandmother on my father’s side was very, very fair with coal black hair and blue eyes and I have been told I take after her. So you see, I am hated on without anyone even taking the time to know my story.
That little girl who craved acceptance, hardened over the years and grew into her own. I celebrate everything about myself, not because I am light skinned, not because I have that cliche lool, because I am a beautiful, BLACK woman who knows who she is, where she is going and I set my own rules. I no longer worry about being hated on for my looks because that is their problem, not mine. This crutch in the African American society does not exist to me. It is just an excuse to be lazy and not work to embrace your uniqueness, your beauty, your flaws and end this nonsense. If you are not accepted at work because of your skin color, go find a different damn job. If you are passed over by a brother because he preferred a lighter skinned woman, hell, you didn’t want his superficial ass anyway. If you want straight, long hair, weave it up and keep it moving!!! No, we have no more excuses for this and the last time I allowed this to affect me was in my early 20’s. I remember going to a new hairstylist who I had spoken to on the phone. Over the phone, she was sweet and kind but the moment she saw me, she was rude, surly and downright nasty to me. I complained to her manager and remember being so hurt at first and then I got angry. I vowed that this would be the last time this crap was going to affect me and it never has since then. I pride myself on being nothing but transparent and real. If you can’t handle who I am, we have this lovely thing called freedom of choice that allows you to get the hell out of my face and stay out of it.
Yes, I had to see this movie! Is this the end of my blogging about this topic, nahh, but thank you Bill Duke for opening a dialogue concerning this issue that plagues our community. I took my mother and my girlfriends with me because it meant that much to me. I will be supporting Bill Duke by sending a huge donation to help him as he used his own funds to finance this movie. I gave this movie a standing ovation at the end of it that night I watched it but even at that, I am still saddened. I am sad because when I left, the divide was still there. It was a small dent in a universal problem that needs to be stopped and stopped now. I have a daughter with my skin color that I am raising to simply start off where I am now, confident, accepting and open to all races. I never want her to feel better than anyone for any reason other than the fact that some people are just bad news and mean nothing but harm. Today, when I say I am stuck up, it means I am stuck with my head lifted up to the sky towards the Lord who guides my every step and thought. No, I am not perfect but I am persistent in working towards the greater good and that includes this issue among many.
Until next time, keep being the best you that you can be!!
~ Mara Prose
***Since the posting of this blog, Dark Girls has premiered on Oprah’s OWN network****