Wow, another year and another Mara Prose birthday has arrived. May 17th to be exact!! It is hard to believe that I have been reflecting since my late twenties. Thankfully, I have truly grown and matured; each year a better version of me is produced.
Why’s and Need’s?
I told someone recently that I feel the need for a much deeper understanding of self. It is no longer acceptable to continue to do the same things, simply because that is how I have always done them. I need to understand ‘why’ I do it and then determine if there is a real ‘need‘ to continue with that pattern. It seems to me if I cannot determine the ‘why’, then there is obviously not a ‘need‘ for it in my life.
There was a point in my life where I had too many regrets. First, I avoided regretting the decisions I made and then I fully embraced the regrets. Now, I work hard not to develop the initial regret from the start. I do not want to continue to look back on my life and know that I was never proactive enough to prevent some of the unfortunate mishaps. With maturity, I believe comes a time where you no longer feel the impulse to act immediately on every single decision. Thus, if I take the time to really think it through, determine what is truly in my best interest, and go after only my strongest desires; in theory, I should have a lot more peace and purpose.
I make a lot of moves that no one hears about. At one point, I prided myself on being an open book. Lately, I want to selfishly cling to my most memorable moments alone and without an audience. I think it is simply the fact that I am no longer seeking validation. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin and honestly enjoy people’s misconceptions of my life. It is amusing watching people try to ‘get’ you and ‘figure‘ you out. The young Mara felt the need to discredit and prove all these misconceptions wrong. The older and wiser version of me realizes you cannot control how people perceive you, so why bother? I answer to no one but God and my conscience – the rest of it is just gravy.
I still have a long way to go, but THANK GOD I am not where I used to be. ~ Joyce Meyer
Until next time,