I have been thinking back to who I was and who I have become. If I was who I am today, a lot of people would never have been in my life. There is a lot of nonsense I would not have entertained. There are a lot of decisions that would have been made differently. There are a lot of relationships that would have never existed. My path would have been entirely different.
There are people who did not deserve my kindness. There are people who did not deserve my tolerance. There are people who did not deserve my love, and there are people who didn’t deserve my trust.
However, there were also good individuals who did not deserve my wrath. There are those who did not deserve my callous treatment of their feelings. And there are others who did not deserve my false friendship towards them; still others who did not deserve my neglect. There are many people I pushed away, that I probably shouldn’t have. But if I am honest with myself, I don’t miss them.
I do not like to regret things. Everything that has happened to me up to this point, had to happen so I could become who I am today. If I regret these things, that would equate to me regretting who I have become. I have no regrets because I am who I am. All the things that have taken place in my life and the decisions I made were decisions that I felt were in my best interest at the time. They were not always the right decisions to make but I made them and I have wholeheartedly accepted the good and bad outcomes.
I feel like my life is just beginning. I have an entire new lease on life; a life that better suits my personality. It probably doesn’t make sense to the masses, but it makes sense to me. I wake up everyday renewed, refresh and eager for what the day will bring. There were many, many years that was not the case. So if I was who I am today, I may not have arrived at this place of serenity. And that would have been a tragedy.
~ Mara Prose