Picture courtesy of semasoulful
We only have a few weeks left until we start a whole new year. Anyone who knows me and my writing, know that I am in a constant state of reflection; analyzing what works, what doesn’t and all I need to correct so I can become the person I’m destined to be.
I was conversing this past weekend with a good friend of mine and she made a comment that really resonated with me. She said “Mara, I know my friends and family would like for me to call them more often and talk on the phone with them longer, but I’ve never been much of a phone person; and I just can’t be someone I’m not.” It made me think, now why can’t more people be that authentic with themselves and embrace this simple concept?
This entire year has been a very tumultuous, uncomfortable rebirth for me. Everything I once knew and counted on was stripped away from me. Now if you are still asleep, you automatically view this as a tragedy of sorts. But if you are awake and enlightened, you know like I do that this was my test and the necessary cleansing that needed to take place so I could become who I needed to be for 2017. Did I know this at the time it was all occurring, of course not, it took time, prayer and meditation to understand it all.
Gone are the days that I need others to validate my accomplishments and life decisions. I realize that is all unnecessary noise whose main purpose is primarily to distract me from my God given purpose. Material things no longer hold a higher value to me than the memories I create doing activities with my loved ones. Alone does not mean lonely; and I do not need someone constantly around me in order to feel complete. It actually is a burden because a lot of my best work, ideas and soulful rejuvenation is spent during the times I allow myself to just be quiet and focus on my next steps. It allows me to drown out all the unnecessary opinions, judgments and annoyingly selfish conversations where the other person is sapping your energy by talking endlessly about themselves with little regard for others. Yes, our world is a very egocentric, self centered world and give and take conversations are so rare. My friend also said these are the people that just suck the Jesus right out of you and leave you feeling empty and frustrated – I love that comment! 🙂
I’ve also relinquished most of the insecurities surrounding my physical appearance and my writing. I’ve replaced these insecurities with a constant and consistent effort towards self improvement. It is not about how others perceive me, it is all about how good I feel about myself/mywriting and that is all that matters. I also no longer downplay my success and accomplishments for the sake of others. I used to feel really uncomfortable when people raved about my achievements or my looks; I wanted to appear humble and then in turn try to hurry and compliment them right back, even if it was insincere. I now wholeheartedly embrace my success and celebrate the things that I am amazing at and it is nice to be comfortable in my own skin. See, I realized that people are going to become jealous and envious no matter what you do, so why should I trouble myself with trying to uplift their self esteem? That is their job, not mine. If my shine is too bright for you, then simply look the other way or focus on polishing yourself so that you shine as well.
As I approach 40 next May, the people in my life will have to take me as I am. I’m fully aware of my flaws. Some of them, I will work to change because I WANT to change them. Others, are simply what my good friend stated: a part of me and “I just can’t be someone I’m not.” This applies to Mara Prose as well. This past year, I spent a lot of time taking recommendations from others as to what direction my writing should go in, and while it was appreciated, I have decided to return to the more soulful writing that garnered the international following I built up in the first place.
2017 already promises new, amazing unchartered territory. The possibilities are limitless at this point and I am eager to explore all of it. I know who all I want with me on these new journeys and I have identified who will be left behind as a faint memory of 2016 – some who were once close to me and others simply tag-alongs that I picked up along the way that are causing nothing but deadweight in my life.
I thank God everyday for cleansing me and making 2016 my year of Rebirth. So at the risk of sounding conceited, I’m in love with me! And if you take that as conceit, you are probably too small minded to be a part of my camp anyway.
Until next time, don’t be afraid to shine!
~ Mara Prose