The ‘shoulds’ paralyze me
They lead to the what ifs, the maybes and the could haves
My target is never stagnant and does not allow me to move
I am unhinged and hindered
My doubts subdue me
My failures asphyxiate me
My gains seem miniscule
My mind prepares a catechism
It just can’t let me rest
What’s right? What’s wrong?
What’s my truth? Am I really strong?
My curiosity sacrifices me to injunction
I trial. I tribulate.
I wonder. I investigate.
What I desire is not always mastered
What I master is not always consummated
So I freeze and second guess
The shoulds paralyze me
I am a hostage to its psychological strangulation
I must bargain for my release
I have to be aware of my capabilities
I must believe in all that is me
Even if that means leaving life more of a mystery
The shoulds are a guide, a formula that doesn’t always add up
Convention can equate to confinement
Rejection can equate to judgment
But the world is not our jury
Yet, the shoulds still paralyze me
~ Mara Prose