Reflections at 39…


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Picture courtesy of Reflections – Kurt Rosenwinkel Standards Trio

Well, another birthday has come and gone.  I am now officially in the home stretch to the big 4-0!  I have come a long, long way from my very first published reflections piece and from my awakenings blog post.  Let’s dive into what I have learned over the course of this past year.

Mental Health

I’ve learned it is imperative to nurture and coddle your mental health.  I have been practicing letting go and letting flow.  This means I finally see the true value in rising above all of life’s trials, tribulations and distancing myself from those lacking in trustworthiness.  It is a lot easier to see right through those who do not have my  best interest at heart.  One simply needs to pay attention to the body language and actions of others to ascertain their true motives.  In the last year, many people have dropped out of my life for one reason or another.  I can honestly say I have no regrets, I do not miss them and often wonder why I allowed them to stay around for as long as I did.

As I reflect, I realize I was surrounded by a bunch of leeches; people of no substance.  These individuals practiced a lot of lip service, but their actions told the real story.  I have come to realize there are just some people in life where their sole intent is bending you to their will.  They are generally insecure people who have no qualms about draining you for their own selfish purposes.  There is no love lost here and I am glad to be free!

I spent a lot of time this last year reassessing, rejuvenating and replenishing.  There was no hope of accomplishing those three R’s with the crowd I used to allow around me.  So, I simply let go and let flow.  All the drainage to my physical, emotional and spiritual well being have disappeared.  The clouds have moved aside and there is a lot more sunshine.  It was very easy to allow these relationships to slip away and simply disappear.  My new direction and new lease on life called for me to self heal and this meant dropping all that dead weight.  It is a wonderful feeling to be free of so many unnecessary burdens.

Introvert Status

I have found that the older I become, the more I realize less is more.  I enjoy when Facebook notifies me of my memories I have from that day over the past several years.  While some of the memories are wonderful to remember,  there are times when I just cringe at the things I used to post.  This feature is useful to recall daily tidbits I have forgotten over the years.  However, if I could go back in time, there would definitely be times where I censored myself more and honestly just made myself shut up!

I initially had good intentions in being so open on Facebook.  I wanted to be able to share my highs, lows and all the in betweens with my family and friends.  It is hard to really connect with people and find time to get together, most of us have our hands full.  Yet, there were times where I felt my posts were really written out of insecurity, the need to gloat and obtain virtual emotional support.  There were also times I was so full of myself, I get nauseated reading about it these days, LOL!  Like most people,  I needed to hear acceptance, encouragement and feel some sort of flattery.  Had I been more aware, mature and awakened at the time, I would have realized how unhealthy it was to try and have my needs met via a superficial platform such as Facebook.  I spent the majority of my time emotionally uplifting others while I was left drained, empty and alone.  Thank God I have grown and seen the light!

Over the past year, I have posted less and less about my personal life.  I have been converting my Facebook into a platform for Mara Prose.  My motto is inspiration, uplifting and informational.  I want most of my posts to reflect this motto and that leaves no room for the silly, personal, useless commentary I used to post.  Many of my friends were initially worried with this sudden shift in my personality.  But the true friends who really know me and value our relationship hardly noticed since they call, text and inbox me regularly and generally know what is going on with me at all times.

When you offer too much information, you leave yourself wide open to critics, gossipers and judgmental, self righteous individuals.  These people will make false assumptions about your life based on just two sentences worth of information from a post.  I used to get so angry when this happened but once I learned I was largely to blame, I chose to change and as a result, I am in a much better place.

A lot of people see me as an extrovert and while there may have been a time I was, that is no longer the case.  When you find peace of mind, enjoy your own company, have hobbies that bring you an immeasurable sense of happiness, you no longer desire to have a large crowd of so-called friends around you at all times.  I love my solitude and I appreciate those who respect that I need my space and not try to bombard their way into my life.  There was a time when I always needed someone, whether it be family or friends, around whenever I went somewhere.  I now enjoy going to various events of interest on my own.  My “me” time has gone to a new level!  Life is so much more enjoyable without all the extra noise.

Not as Bull Headed

I’ve always been defined by a specific set of principals.  When my mind is made up, it is almost impossible to sway me.  Yet, I find myself in unfamiliar territory.  I am a lot more open and considerate of different viewpoints.  Please don’t get me wrong, I am still very strong willed, stubborn and set in my ways.  But the difference now is, the do or die mentality I once exhibited no longer exists.  I am in such a good place, I find it easy to be more open, flexible and ready to adapt to the unknown.  I am happy to agree to disagree.  I am not going to fight tooth and nail to get my point across or try to sway you to my side.  It is a simple matter of you have your way and I have mine.  The ‘my way or the highway’ is something I abhor in others, yet I wasted a lot of my time exhibiting the very trait I despise.

Seasonal Friendships

I now understand, accept and appreciate seasonal friendships.  We all have read the memes that state some people are just not meant to be in your life beyond a season.  Not everyone is equipped to handle your journey.  I have learned that just because people do not approach friendships the way I do, does not mean I cannot have some type of friendship with them – whether it is at more of an acquaintance level or a deeper connection.

I am proud that I can quickly size up someone and discern their true intentions towards me.  Unfortunately, you have those who only want to ride the Mara Prose wave.  Then there are those that are just incapable of making an effort towards a deeper connection.  And finally, there are my treasures, the ones I hold dear to my heart because they have picked me up when I was down, have shown nothing but love/support and sincerely value their friendship with me.  They are the ones who reach out and touch often.  It is a true give and take, and there is a daily connection that is fostered, nurtured and encouraged to grow.

While we all want the latter, there is nothing wrong with maintaining more superficial relationships.  Friends can have categories just like anything else in your life.  I used to only have a one size fits all stance towards my friendships but that was just too harsh, limiting and unyielding.  Instead, I know and recognize my core – my ride or dies; while at the same time, I know there are just some friends who are never going to make much of an effort to take our friendship to a deeper place.  And you know what, that is perfectly alright with me.  I only have so much room in my life, energy and willpower to elevate these type of relationships.  I finally learned and accepted that everyone has their core group of people and I am not always going to be a part of that core group, just like many are not a part of my core group.

Mara Prose Knows

Last but certainly not least, I am so very proud and continually amazed how far Mara Prose has come.  I mean, let’s face it, having an international presence is a huge accomplishment!!  It is amazing to see the countries I touch everyday while reviewing my blog stats.  My book cover is completed, my synopsis is being circulated and the first installment in the Davenport Trilogy is nearing the stages of final editing!

My social media presence has grown by leaps and bounds.  The Mara Prose Twitter following is pushing 3,000 followers.  I am also active and maintaining a good amount of followers on Instagram, Pinterest, Goodreads, Linkedin, Tumblr, Reddit and most recently, Snapchat.  I even have my own Virtual Book Club where we are reading Author Jena C. Henry’s novel, The Golden Age of Charli: RSVP, with our first Snacks & Chat occurring this coming Monday!  I’m loving the process.  I enjoy taking my time, ensuring my best writing is on display and being able to publish on my own time frame.

On To New Horizons

All in all, the last year has been a roller coaster, to say the least.  I grew up a lot, developed into a much calmer, happier, and peaceful person.  I admit, there were times I was unrecognizable, to myself and to others – and not always in a positive manner.  But you get through it, and life goes on.  In the end, you just hope for clarity and wisdom to not repeat the same mistakes.  Throughout it all, I wouldn’t change a thing and that is because I would not be who I am today if it were not for everything I have gone through since my last birthday in 2015.

So let me say this: good riddance to the dead weight that left my life and held me prisoner for so many years.  I want to extend a warm welcome to the new persona I have established.  Thank you so much to the small circle of family and friends who help me to be a better person.  I am grateful to all of the pointless people who said goodbye or that I fell out with; your absence is sooooo appreciated.  🙂

I cannot leave without thanking the tumultuous oil and gas industry, for giving me a good, swift kick in the rear.  I have officially exited the industry and I am in the process of creating an entirely new career path that better suits my personality and God given talent.

Most of all, I must send my heartfelt gratitude to all my Mara Prose followers, supporters and readers.  Without you, I would not have achieved any of the success I have with my blog, poetry and other creative writing.  It is your continuous love and support that keeps me driven, motivated and determined to only leave you with the best of the best in regards to my writing.  I can hardly wait to see what all I have achieved by this time next year.

Until next time, please continue to help me make Mara Prose go viral.  I swear I hear Broadway calling, Hollywood needs new and original scripts (so we can break the ridiculous remake cycle) and The Davenports are very anxious to grace your bookshelves, Kindles, Nooks, etc!  Your support is imperative to my success.

Thanks for reading,

Mara Prose

PS: Upcoming Event:  Snacks & Chat Monday, May 23rd at 8PM CST via https://www.facebook.com/groups/275284702807917/

Feel free to join us whether you have started the book or not!!  We would love to have you!!

 

 

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Reflections at 39…

  1. Beautiful read this morning. I love the woman you’ve become as I’ve walked, sometimes ran, through this thing called life with you. You have grown so much in your understanding of who you are and what you really need. Hopefully we are blessed to walk through many, many, many more years to come. Love ya tomato face 😄.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dynamic read! Well written personal reflection of life that in some ways mirrored my 39 years on earth, I related when you spoke about not feeling bad or feeling guilty about releasing dead weight! I devoured each word, hungrily with my eyes quickly darting to the next. I screamed when you asked yourself “why did you hold on for so long! For those who just come to read the comments, I will not say anymore, because I want you to read this for yourself, all I can say is remember the name and be prepared to stand in long lines at book releases when the memoir comes out!! Well written my sister, thanks for reaching out to me via Twitter and directing me to this delicious food for my soul! God Bless, Peace, Grace and abundance to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Zee, this truly made my day!! I am so very pleased that you enjoyed this piece so much and could relate! Your support means so much too me!!! Thank you, thank you!!

      Like

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