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I had planned to not write anything additional on this subject, and simply repost my blog “Why Can’t We Be Authentic Friends“. I am so frustrated with people who do not know the meaning of friendship, so unfortunately you have to deal with me talking about it once again. I know so many people who long for authentic friendships, only to be fooled time and time again by frenemies.
It seems common these days to simply make assumptions and never even go to the source and clear up misunderstandings. We live in a very disconnected world despite all the technology available to us. Technology is just detrimental to our interpersonal relationships and by now, we all know the reasons why.
I am a very direct person, so I cannot understand the act of feeling like someone slighted you, quietly resenting them, and never having a mature conversation with the one who hurt you. This period of festering only brings you down, affects your mental well being and can even affects your family life. If it gets to any of these points, I say clear the air and get it over with. If you find you cannot, then you need to drop it and let the issue and that person go. Why have this person in your life if you feel like they fall into the category of a frenemie?
As always, I have an example. I was at a group event recently and a close friend felt hurt by another friend’s lack of respect in not introducing her to the people she did not know at the event. I am saddened that she felt left out and I am even more sad that something so simple will not come to a resolution. I respect my friend’s decision to distance herself and it is not my place to try to make amends. But I also recognize there was a lot of underlying issues that were never addressed creating a similarity to frenemie type of situations.
Another example just occurred yesterday, years after I initially wrote this blog, where a so called friend decided she wanted to take a passive aggressive stance and reply to my emails with flippant remarks. Not one to just roll over and play along, I immediately confronted her. She went on the defensive, then on the attack and wound up being permanently blocked by me, all over a misunderstanding that she never chose to discuss with me directly. I am still pretty clueless as to what was really bothering her but whatever it is, her lack of maturity in the manner is a personal problem, not mine.
It is very unfortunate when we have those friendships that wound us deeply and your pride simply will not allow you to resolve the matter. In these instances, only you can decide if the friendship is worth salvaging. I have noticed a lot of people like to run to their friends and relay gossip that offends and wounds that person, taking joy in seeing them hurt. All the while they maintain a farce and pretend to be a concerned friend who has your very best interest at heart. Please learn to read these type of people for what they are, FRENEMIES.
In my last blog, I stated characteristics of what I felt demonstrated a true friend. Now let me also list characteristics of what I feel a frenemie entails:
Frenemies – like to take everyone else’s side but yours. In their eyes, you are never right, always wrong and always in need of reform. They take pleasure in the adversities in your life and want to attack your confidence and self esteem.
Frenemies – always show up to your events just to be nosy. They only want to see who you are hanging around, seek out areas where they can cause strife and are there strictly out of competition. These type of idiots only come around in the hope that you have let yourself go, that you are suffering in life and want to find something wrong with you to make themselves feel better.
Frenemies – do not exhibit fairweather friendships. Oh no, they are badweather friends. This means they come around more when you are down and out and going through trials and tribulations in your life. You will find that they are constantly calling and offering their opinions on what you should and should not be doing. But don’t let the smooth taste fool you, their advice is given to keep you in a rut. Always remember, they take pleasure in your suffering.
Frenemies – will be the first to tell you what another friend supposedly said about you. Hell, they may even try to cause strife between you and your significant other. Their sole purpose is to isolate you and make you doubt everyone in your life. If they succeed in their ulterior motives, they will have you suspicious of everyone’s intentions and will ruin relationships in your life.
In all seriousness, friendships that wound you on a constant basis need to be addressed. If they don’t make you feel good, I believe you need to value yourself enough to acknowledge that the season of that friendship has passed and move on. This blog truly stemmed from my close friend feeling so fed up behind another friend’s actions, she decided to deactivate her Facebook account and distant herself from our social engagements. No matter how much I wish they would talk it out, once again it is not my place to get involved. I encourage everyone to gravitate towards those individuals that make them feel good about themselves. I cannot stress it enough that everyone needs, deserves and should seek those friends that are positive, uplifting and have a true sense of spirituality. Learn to recognize when someone does nothing but covet what you have and who you are as a person. Coveting is a sin and the people in your life should actively be trying to avoid that sin. If not, cut them loose.
Listen, we all know life is too short. I encourage anyone that feels slighted by me to address it. If you feel I have done something to you too many times and you never talk to me about it, please feel free to delete me from your life. I will not be offended nor hurt because I understand all too well that seasons change, especially with friendships.
I have to say I am truly a different breed of people. I will not endure any type of drama. I can immediately recognize a frenemie and I am quick to eliminate them from my life. I believe less is more in regards to friendships. My true friendships have been cultivated over decades and rarely do I find the need to accept a new friendship. In no way do I expect everyone to understand this, act the same way nor am I encouraging anyone to simply go around cutting off everyone in their life. We need friends, we need family and we need our significant others. But what we don’t need are the friends, family and significant others that are intent on making our lives a living hell.
That’s just my two cents on this subject. Until next time, work to recognize and eliminate your frenemies. Life is so much better without them!