At the age of 39, you would think by now you wouldn’t have to describe and point out the qualities of what a real friendship should entail. You would also think that you wouldn’t even have to address issues with people you barely know but such is life. I generally ignore what I term nonsense but after this particular conversation, I just knew I had to take to my blog on this subject. I needed to address this issue after a conversation I had with a childhood friend this past weekend. I think it is a shame that some people just never, ever grow up.
In my mind, a real friend knows where they stand with you without anything having to be validated. They do not listen to nonsense spewed by individuals whose main goal in life is to cause strife and rip apart relationships. In a mature friendship, even if they hear negativity, it is simply addressed with you, so you can put it to rest and then you move forward with the friendship.
I have a small group of really close friends and a multitude of superficial friendships. With my closest friends, we can go months without talking or seeing each other and pick right back up as if no time had passed at all. My closest friends know all my quirks, my overall personality, know what I will and will not tolerate and love me as I am. A perfect example of one of my treasured friendships is recently when my husband underwent a procedure and this friend drove several miles to be by my side. Now, we do not talk on an everyday basis, and in fact we had gone for a long period without really speaking at all simply due to the craziness of our schedules. But, she still took time out of her busy life to be there for me and it goes without saying that I will do the same for her at anytime. Those are the relationships I value and nurture.
The superficial friendships are expendable to me. They come and go and they are in a take it or leave it category with me. I do not have any expectations out of these individuals. These are the “good times” relationships I foster and probably never will develop into anything more than that. This group of individuals are not privy to my personal life, my family and are not really deep or meaningful. Sorry, that is just the way it is and anyone who cannot accept it, can keep it moving.
I must say this though, if someone is always coming to you with the “I didn’t want to be the one to tell you” or the “I know I can tell you because it won’t go anywhere” and just any other type of negativity, that person is not your friend!!! If you have someone in your life who always has time to relay ‘he say, she say’ nonsense, that person is not your friend!!! Let me tell you something, if someone is not man or woman enough to confront the person they have an issue with, no one else should get involved at that point. At that very moment, it becomes a non-issue. I have no tolerance for individuals who cannot fight their own battles. Learn how to appropriately categorize your friendships so you won’t have to endure headache relationships.
You see A REAL FRIEND, sincerely cares about your frustrations, your pain and is sensitive to the fact that you really do not need any extra strife in your life.
A REAL FRIEND, knows their place in your life and does not/SHOULD NOT have to compete with your other relationships. Anyone that is dead set on dominating your friendship and consistently becomes jealous of your other friendships, is NOT your friend.
A REAL FRIEND, respects you, cherishes the friendship, nurtures the friendship and overall wants to see you happy. They understand and accept all your imperfections and do not use your flaws or weaknesses against you.
A REAL FRIEND, helps to guide you to see the bigger picture, may even give some tough love at times but ultimately has your best interests at heart ALWAYS!!
Of course, I could never talk about this subject without touching on Facebook. I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I love being able to reconnect with my childhood friends, I love to use it as a marketing tool and I even love the ability to make new friends. However, I hate the way people use it to create drama, have inappropriate relationships and take people’s posts and twist their words to suit their purposes. Every so often, I feel the need purge my Facebook friendships. I believe it best to get rid of those trolls, stalkers and those individuals who sit on your page, yet make no effort to communicate with you whatsoever.
At the end of the day, I am glad my friend brought this issue to my attention, no matter how irritating and childish I find it. I am glad to have the opportunity to address what I deem a common problem since I have been in a slight blog hiatus, LOL. I feel sorry that this particular idiot, who by the way is just someone I went to high school with and never had even a full conversation with, felt the need to try to come between me and my friend. Yet, on the same token, I proud that I am mature enough to not allow it to anger me.
When it is all said and done, you know who your true friends are, you know what you need to do in order to maintain those friendships and you know who you need to eliminate from your circle. You know why you know this, or should know this, because you SHOULD by now know who you are as a person.
Until next time, pray for those that need to grow up, get a life and find a sense of purpose!
~ Mara Prose